I discovered a new favourite process.

The language of ‘thinking big’ has become part of the modern vernacular. Typo drink bottles tell us to ‘Never give up on your daydream’ and it is being reinforced in education that the youth of today can do or be anything they want. Vision boarding has become a yearly ritual for those who hope to see the Law of Attraction manifest yachts, mansions and Jaguars, and 5 minutes of fame- or longer- is on the cards for anyone who is social media savvy.

But really allowing ourselves to have big dreams, grounded in achievements or experiences does not come naturally. And whilst we could run off a list of things that would be nice, we rarely allow ourselves to fathom these coming to fruition.

Probably because it is uncomfortable.

Probably because it triggers so many of our underlying beliefs about ourselves and the world.

So, as a personal experiment, not in just setting big goals and working towards them, but rather as a way to elicit underlying feelings, I went through the process you will read about below. It seems run of the mill, in terms of the list of ridiculously huge goals (to my mind anyway), but it fast tracked one of the most important steps in personal growth, which is identifying underlying limiting beliefs. Fortunately, because of my practice and love of a good ol’ reframe, I was able to turn these beliefs into really important and useful questions and affirmations. It is so illuminating and really fun, though at times confronting.

What I adore about this process is the way it fast-tracked the finding and zapping away of what has been holding me back. When we try to work out any ‘issues’ or ‘mental blocks’ in our day to day, often we are too close to the issue or it may feel petty or insignificant, so we keep repeating the same patterns. The negative beliefs are insidious and maybe so subtly present that we never find a reason to work on them. They grate away and result in us not fully showing up with confidence. I would love it if you have a go at doing this process. You just need a pen and two pieces of paper. I used a two page spread of a notebook.

Instructions to find out what is holding you back EVERYWHERE IN LIFE!!

STEP ONE

On one page, write the biggest, craziest dreams, fantasies, wishes that would seem outrageous to you.

It may say things like:

• Have a best-selling novel that is made into a film.

• Live in a mansion with an indoor pool.

• Be best friends with Amy Schumer (Jennifer Lawrence can get stuffed!)

And so on.

STEP TWO (I skipped writing this step and went straight to step three)

For each of the fantasies you write, consider what is stopping you from having them. Keep asking yourself why not until you get to a root belief or problem that would majorly impinge upon you fulfilling these. Remember, this does not mean these dreams are your most important goals. They are meant to be wildly huge to you so you can work out what is keeping you from the next level.

Make a list of any of the issues that came up for you. It may be that you think you ‘aren’t good with people’ or ‘have no time’ or ‘need to be prettier’.

STEP THREE

On the second page, reframe the negative beliefs into empowering statements that show you how

1. You are already in the process of overcoming what is holding you back.

2. The issue is a non-issue.

3. You are able to shift this belief.

You make have a list that says:

• People from all walks of life can get rich.

• I am my own kind of genius.

• I have many rewarding relationships with ‘people’.

THE RESULT

Now you have a bank of statements that really support you and address the beliefs that hold you back more than any other. Whether you need to make a new friend or network like a machine, if it is hard for you, the issue will be the same. Use these statements as daily affirmations. They are what you really need to hear right now!

You may end up with a page like this.

See me doing the process on myself as an example in this video.

It can be hard to go through this process alone if you aren’t used to asking why, and why, and why, and why! If you need help with this or any of the stubborn beliefs that pop up, find out how we can work together so I can support you through some big life changes.

Remember, the same limiting beliefs or blockages will come up when you go for little wins or huge goals. It is always worth getting to the icky bottom of these, shaking them up, flushing them out and replacing them with something new and beautiful that will serve you.

Shaking things up with love,

Becky

Here are 7 ways you can generate a sense of faith and belief in yourself and in positive outcomes. There is no substitute for just simply believing, but if that feels too crazy as a starting point, these will get you there!

1. Write up a backlog of times things have worked out.

You have a rich history. You have likely been through some insanely tough times that have tested you. You have accomplished small and larger feats, sometimes deliberately, sometimes by the accumulation of hard work. What just came to mind? Everything you have achieved arrived at the perfect time, allowing you to learn and grow. To build up some faith in positive outcomes and your ability, list everything you have managed to do through determination or nature. Humanity, like the environment, is made to progress. Somehow you ended up talking, walking, thinking and feeling through the inherent system of growth hardwired into our world. If you are alive, learning and have overcome any adversity, you should understand, logically, that things do work out for you. A little closer to believing? 

2. Notice the in-the-moment feeling of believing versus not believing. Wouldn't you rather your experience of each moment carry that positive energy? 

So this is more like a reason to believe rather than doubt. Consider this very moment. I want you to imagine that tomorrow, one of your wildest dreams will come true. Can you picture it? Maybe you are meeting a celebrity, closed the biggest deal of your life or won a holiday with your family. Notice the energy that thought creates in that moment of imagination. Isn't it wonderfully invigorating? Why then, would you not choose to experience faith in the moment. We know that great things happen when we believe. That's why you have bothered to read this far, right? So choose belief in the moment, every moment.

3. Read some crazy 'unlikely' success stories.

If you get stuck in the mindset that you are too 'something' (plain, poor, rough, etc), to be successful, it is time to do some research and discover people who have done what you want to do, even if it took a while. Look for people who remind you of you. They may have had the same perceived challenges, grown up in your hometown, begun their career at a similar age to you, or initially were kinda bummed out about life. When you find these people, there will be proof that really, somebody a little like you (cos nobody is just like you!) can have the thing you want. It makes perfect sense that this is possible for you too.

To dip your foot into these unlikely success stories, you can check out 6 who overcame failure through persistence. Also, some rags to riches stories are inspiring reminders that belief through a sense of purpose and determination can happen. Even Empress Catherine shows that a little self confidence goes a long way.

Believe!

4. Do what it takes. If you don't feel deserving it is hard to believe.

This one makes a profound difference. If you are not doing everything it takes to achieve success in your field and to develop yourself as a person, there may be a feeling of 'lesser worth' that is subconscious holding you back. In other words, you feel like you haven't done the work to earn the success and because you feel like you don't deserve it, you just won't get it. Sometimes, we punish ourselves and other times, we have such a deepset sense of integrity that we won't allow ourselves to succeed until we think we 'measure up'. One way to add some power to the punch of profound faith is to act in a way that aligns with our goals. If you want a promotion, do high quality work and don't moan about your job. If you want to get back to your pre-baby bod, eat and exercise like the version of you that would be that size. This is all too logical. Write down a few ways you could align your behaviour with what you want! Let's get the ball rolling.

5. Listen to the good guy.

Or the good girl. Whichever voice inside your head or the little tug in your gut or the flutter in your heart, that tells you that you were meant for this. Everything in life serves some purpose, right? Wasn't that positive voice of belief put there for a reason? If you have it, trust it. Listen to it. Nurture it. 

Need some more logic around this? You know how when you were little, you had to defer to your parents? Hopefully they had your best interests at heart. Our parents keep us safe. Sometimes, as teenagers, we had to say 'No, I'm not allowed. My parents won't let.' Now imagine that positive voice or feeling inside of you is the adult guide that really, really, really knows whats best. It can be called intuition, the higher self, god, whatever. That voice know you so intimately, so when it tells you that something awesome is possible, listen and respond. And to any naysaying voices that disagree- ask them whether they have your 'bestest' interests at heart. Or just tell them politely to piss off.

6. Track magic.

Hahahaha! Yes, I have written 'magic' in an article that stresses the 'logic' of having faith. But let's take a logical approach to it. Today, or any day really, ask yourself where magic appears.  Pay attention and you'll realise how many things are so mind-blowing that it wouldn't even be reasonable to think that magical things can't happen to you. Some may call it science, but to me there is nothing more miraculous than that.

Remember happy co-incidences. People you have met who changed your life. Accidents that led you to an amazing experience. Heart ache that helped you find real love. 

Magic makes sense.

7. Get it into your head, dammit!

Or your subconscious more like it. Most of our behaviours and go-to though processes and self-speak are directed by our 'unconscious' thinking. This stems from our life experience and that which is consistently reinforced. If you want to have more faith, then respond with logic and allow yourself to act in your best interest. To do this, get that believe into the recesses of your mind through regular affirmations, like 'I am capable and worthy', that you write down and say to yourself every day, and often. In time, this will become your subconscious belief. You can also visualise your version of success and experience it as though it is real, heightening every sense in your mind until it could be a real memory. The more relaxed you are when you do this, the better. Notice how you begin to act in accordance with the images and words you reinforce to yourself.

It is a good time to WRAP UP with this final note. Like anything in life, it does take action, bother and effort to bring dreams into fruition, so you really must implement one or more of these faith-generating strategies to see results. And consistently. There is nothing that could be more logically resonant than that!

Of course, there are other ways to have faith and belief! Would love you to share some of your own methods. For me, that feeling of faith is pretty constant and only occasionally shaken up, but I can get back to that wavelength quickly. How do you rein in your attitude or belief?

With utmost belief in me and you,

Becky

Every now and then I have a thought I need to shake outta my mind. This same thought deeply affects many people and sometimes the belief runs too deep for ‘shaking out’ to seem possible.

‘There is something wrong with me’.

Maybe that thought is articulated in a different way.

 I don’t know what is wrong with me.

Why am I so f*cked up?

I am alone.

Nobody gets me.

I have spoken to enough people to know that this thought hits everyone at some point. It can be alienating, giving us the sense that there is nobody who understands, relates or has the same experience of self.

The trouble is that often the way we relate to others is not authentic. We have a veneer, and social media amplifies the issue, when we often see people happy or the thought articulated in their status is the final positive statement after much deliberation. We get trapped into thinking that life, happiness & beauty comes so easily to some people, but never to us. In the comparison (that often disempowering & dangerous comparison) that we are left thinking, ‘Something must be missing in me.’

We also taught from a young age to see the world in black and white, using oppositions to define what we are by what we are not. We speak in finites, to avoid complicated thoughts. We constantly use the language of judgment (and sometime self-righteousness). That is so wrong. I don’t do that. No wonder we use that language when we speak about ourselves. No wonder when we detect complexity in ourselves we want to attack. I’m a bad mum. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good enough. Perhaps it is lazy to think we are inherently flawed. When you admit imperfection, it’s like you can blame it for everything. It’s a way of avoiding what is really going on.

When you talk to others…

You may catch yourself explaining out of the ordinary (genius like!) thinking as being abnormal to placate others in the assumption that they don’t or won’t ‘get you’. I don’t know. It’s just how I see it. Maybe I’m weird. Or you don’t share.

We respond to paradigms of morality and avoid real conversation with dismissive comments like ‘She’s just a bitch’ or ‘He is a sleaze’. When we do this, it exacerbates the fear that any of our ‘flaws’ will be harshly judged by our peers. Suddenly, ‘There is something wrong with me’, becomes emotionally loaded and will start to limit how we show up in the world. We shrink because we think it isn’t safe to shine. We recoil, we put up walls and create ‘safe’ alter-egos because we are terrified to be ourselves.

‘There is something seriously wrong with me…’

Reframe this thought!

If you catch yourself thinking this way, have a go at a reframing this into something positive.

There is something unique I have to offer the world.

This quirky thing about me is my ticket to success.

I am a complex and interesting human being.

Every person has felt this way- I am connected with my fellow human.

And here are some of my favourite questions to help you get some meaningful answers.

What is really going on here? What underlying thoughts triggered this belief/action?

How does this feeling/thought keep me safe or comfortable? Does it serve me in any way?

What would I say to myself if I were my own best friend? Or what would I tell a good friend who told me they felt totally abnormal?

While human beings are essentially the same, our spirits have different energies, our auras different colours, our personality different flavours, varied experiences, gifts, challenges and views…

 and in our ‘hearts’ we have a different calling.

This year, I hope that you are more ‘you’ than ever. That you follow your heart and finally come home to the truth. Heart is where the home is.

That you are exactly as you are meant to be, with endless potential and a shiny light inside of you.

Come home to you.

You are not fucked up.

You are you.

The End.

We have become used to feeling bad. 

Sad, but true. People tolerate minor discomforts, ongoing pain and suffer mediocre circumstances that are so easy to turn around. It is also a reality that depression is rife in our society and the accumulative effects of feeling bad make us identify with being 'depressed'. We also have been told 'no pain, no gain' and to 'focus on the big picture' rather than the moment. 

I would like to share three ways you can feel good right now, so you can be conscious of how feeling good is a commitment and a choice.

1. What Feels Good?

Notice what feels good right now. What senses are engaged? What positive thoughts are popping up? What do you notice that feels nice?

It’s a lazy Saturday morning and I haven’t put any pressure on myself to do anything.

Having the entire bed to myself.

Knowing that I will have a cleaner on Monday.

Remembering the wonderful New Years adventure trip.

The birds chirping outside the window.

That feeling of hope.

It is meditative and a form of gratitude to observe lovingly the positive you find in the present moment. In the comments, share what you are noticing that feels right.

2. What Doesn’t Feel Good?

Now it’s time to consider what doesn’t feel good, with the intention of doing something about it. We suffer little discomforts that are unnecessary. Let’s do something about them!

The air is stuffy- so I am going to open windows.

I feel a little dehydrated- so I am getting water.

My neck is tense- so I am adjusting my position & scheduling a massage for this afternoon.

The fleeting thought that my website isn’t updated. There is no rush- I will put it in my diary for Monday.

Whenever you decide not to do something about these niggling sensations, you are choosing to feel bad. Maybe you have another priority, perhaps you cannot justify the trouble of changing, or maybe you have never known another way of living. Why do you choose to feel bad? You will gain some clarity once you answer this. Do share any revelations in the comments.

3. Align.

The third way you can feel good in the ‘now’ is to get clear on your life purpose, your goals and daily intention. When you know what it is you are working towards AND have faith that you will achieve this, even tedious or difficult moments take on a new meaning and start to feel good.

This year, think about what your grand purpose is and begin to align your day to day with this mission.

If this is an area you need some help with, drop me a line, and I will send you some further strategies and resources.

Otherwise, I would love you to share your mission statement, purpose or big goal for this year and beyond in the comments section.

Commit to feeling good.

Love Becky

‘Oh beware my lord of jealousy. ‘Tis the green-eyed monster that doth mock the meat it feeds on’

The temptation to refer to Othello was too strong to resist, but the manipulative words of the Shakespearean villain, Iago, were said to destroy a good man. My sweet take on jealousy is a sentiment that is being embraced all over the globe. And it works.

‘Oh there you are jealousy! You are the green-eyed fairy that comes to offer me the world!’

So ‘green fairy’ may vaguely sound like a reference to an alcoholic spirit, but the metaphor works for me. What if jealousy appeared to show us exactly what we want and what is possible for us?

While the simplicity of this concept is alluring (‘I’m feeling jealous. Oh, hey, I should do that!) we often get feelings of jealousy about things we actually don’t want or need. And yet, there is a lesson.

Example: If you become jealous of fame, ask.

Do I want this?

Why do I want this?

Where do I have this already?

What do I really want?

What steps can I take towards this?

 In the case of something like ‘fame’ you may discover that what is really making you jealous is your admiration of someone’s confidence, or bold pursuit of their dream. You may discover that you crave recognition, but you can feel appreciated at any time if you sit and recall some beautiful words spoken to you or the smiles you get every day. Perhaps you will finally conclude, ‘It is time’, and go for what you want with absolute gusto.

So here are some cool steps you can take to make jealousy your mentor.

Step One: Say hi to it.

Step Two: Work out what exactly is making you feel jealous.

Step Three: Pay someone a genuine compliment and ask them a meaningful question about how they have achieved ‘success’ (insert whatever quality you desire)

Step Four: Know that what they have is truly available to you. If someone can do/have it, so can you.

Step Five: Go for it! Respect that feeling and go for what it is that is making you a little green.

Step Six: Know that if your success makes someone else jealous, you are doing them a favour. Jealous today, inspired tomorrow.

Your turn.

Please share what discoveries you have made using the ‘Green-eyed Fairy’. It is so cathartic to talk about it openly. I will share the last time I was jealous if you share yours!!!

Love Becky!

xxx

The words haunted my dreams.

That’s the problem when you think about your next blog post before bed.

And ironically, my dreams were violent, full of running, dog-eat-dog kinda stuff. The perfect juxtaposing backdrop to the words that continued to bounce from the walls of the strange rooms in my mind.

The words were:

‘Once I love you, I always will.’

Believe me, there is a point to all of this. But bear with the story for a little.

When an ex-boyfriend was coming over to visit me and my fiancé, I had an overwhelming feeling of love and affection for this person who I chose not to spend the rest of my life with. A natural reminiscing of absent friends formed a shaky carriage in my train of thought. And then to people I greet with acquaintance-like formality who I would actually die for.

Reflecting on the past used to make me uneasy.

The reality is that I have drifted away from many loved ones and put up walls, invisible to me, but imposing to potential friends. Thinking about that once made me sad. But something just shifted and all I can feel is my endless capacity for love. Surely, we must all have that? All I feel is that no unkind act, no amount of time and no words can make me ‘unlove’ someone I once loved. To me, it is impossible.

In light of this, my first point is a message to anyone who reads this who I love (-not past tense ‘loved’ or tentative ‘may have loved’- just love!)

‘A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won't be too bad.’ (Robert Wagner)

I love you now and always.

Use that as you will. Carry it around. Forget, then remember and feel better. Get in touch and say hi. Or never feel you have to. I love you anyway.

My next thought (before the gory dreams) seemed to make perfect sense.

I thought of people who I haven’t met, and realised I love them too.

So following my logic, that I love people I cannot see and that love is constant, perhaps it means that I love you and we haven’t met. Perhaps with my endless capacity for love, the stranger nursing his coffee in front of me is literally one of the loves of my life.

Too many people, I think, carry around with them the aches of the past, all the bad news and a general disdain for ‘people’. The enormous love you have- even for just one person, is a taste of what can be multiplied again and again, in infinite amounts. In light of sad events, I choose to remember the compassion of humanity and the laughs I can share with a stranger.

I guess I am wondering if anyone else wants to choose this path too. I think many of us already have. It is a beautiful place.

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”

— Martin Luther King, Jnr.

Now, what the hell is up with my crazy dream? Natural resistance to my own lovely rhetoric? A purging of all negativity to make way for this consciousness of love? Maybe it is a lesson as to what happens when we don’t see the love. We fight, we fear, we judge.

A reiteration and adjustment of my original belief:

Once I love you, I always will.

If I could love you, I already do.

Xxx

Becky

Hello Precious!

Today's post is keeping it real. A real full of advice, so pens and paper people for any brainwaves!

If you have met me in person, you probably know I get into some pretty intense conversations about achieving goals, overcoming the past and obliterating limiting mindsets. And in my day to day chitchats of late, I have certainly heard these words being uttered out of the mouths of well-intentioned goal-setters.

'I'm just finding (X,Y,Z) really daunting.'

'I'm busy but not really any closer to what I set out to do.'

'I'm lacking motivation.'

'I've been procrastinating on X, Y, Z.'

I speak to some hella talented people, and understand that while you may feel like superman or wonderwoman, doing what it takes to really make 2015 your year can bring up some resistance.

If you want to skip straight to your relevant scenario and get some answers and strategies, click one of the links below:

It's all a bit too big, scary or daunting!

I'm working hard but getting nowhere!

Motivation factor= ZERO!

Procrastination is the current name of my game.

Otherwise, read on darling! If it repeats itself then it is damn important, so write it down and turn it into an action step!

If you are feeling daunted by your goals, let me tell you what you need to know and then read on for some tools to get you past this point.

• Remember that you more than likely chose that goal for a reason that is especially important to you. You know that achieving or moving bravely towards that goal will get you closer to the life you want to have and the person you want to be.

• When a goal gives you that 'Ooooh crap!' feeling AND imagining yourself there feels good, then it is probably exactly what you need to pursue.

• There are both conscious and subconscious thoughts in our mind that are making us believe that they are either unattainable for us, or the kind of achievement that will bring up both great and potential negative results. In other words, there are consequences of achieving your goals that may be putting you off. Yes, that big, exciting goal may not be sitting snugly with what part of you wants. The mind says things like 'But if I become a stage performer I will miss out on family nights.'

• There are other scenarios specific to you. 'What could be going on in the back of my mind?' is a worthwhile question to ask. Sometimes it comes down to a lack of self belief. If any insights come to you, share them with me.

  Ok! So here is what you can do about it!

1. Actually move bravely by doing the single most important action that will lead you to that goal. Schedule in be brave time (#bebrave) and notice that the action you are most avoiding is far more important to getting you that goal. Enjoy the exponential progress in personal growth and real results.

2. Visualise yourself enjoying the benefits of this goal and backtrack in your mind so you can see the little steps and habits that got you there. The big picture is made up of little 'non-daunting' steps (although, yes, some will be crazy exciting!).

3. Go the other way by doing three little steps before you write your mega to-do list. (These lists can be a bit of a guilty pleasure, so I like to go ahead and do what I know needs to be done before I ponder next steps.) If you want to win a body-building competition, call a personal trainer, book in a first session, and throw unhealthy food out of your cupboard before you can talk yourself out of going for the win.

4. Adopt a persona/character who thinks bigger is better. In fact, my alter ego is called 'Big Bec' and she comes out whenever I need to stop playing safe and go for the crazy dreams.

5. Do an important task for 10 minutes. Notice how continuing is a piece of cake after that!

6. Fill in the blank and say it with your hand on your heart. 'Even though (perceived negative consequence of getting goal), I am committed to achieving my dream for this year.' For example, 'Even though I will be judged, I am committed to sharing my new book with 1000 people.' It's kind of saying, yeah shit happens- so what? I am doing this!

   I am obviously very interested to hear your thoughts on what you anticipate with me the small negative effect of a very rewarding goal!

Perhaps you are starting slow this year but feel practically burnt out already.

This is what you need to know:

• You will do anything for a sense of achievement, but immediately feel bummed out when you realise it is just 'busy work'.

• When your direction is crystal clear, the next best step appears.

• Our little, consistent actions add up. Faith and patience, lovely.

This is what to do if you find yourself just being busy.

1. Schedule time to do nothing. Enjoy your leisure time properly.

2. Say no more than yes. Is this the best use of my time? No. Random person wants to catch up and you haven't even worked out this year? No.

3. Ask yourself- 'What am I avoiding?' Then do that. In fact, do that within the first two hours of your day if it is logical and possible. Eat that frog!

4. Limit yourself to one significant task per day. Yes, little habits are important, but don't intend to make amazing progress towards three goals on the same day. (Although cross-over will happen naturally.) If you want to do the splits (ahem, that would be one of my little, hard goals), give that a full day's intention. Then you will spend an hour on it instead of five unfocused minutes. Again, say no to the need to do too much.

5. Ask this simple question. Is this actually really bringing me closer to my goal? You may think shuffling paper is the key (God knows I swear by throwing out old stuff to make way for the new!) but is it really a clear step in the right direction. Only you know.

6. And the power of asking 'Why?'. 'Tell me, amazing mind, why do I keep running in circles instead of doing what is most important? You will get answers if you go deep enough! The next best question is 'What do I need right now so I can take care what is most important?' You may need a dose of self-belief or to ditch old 'obligations'. Again, you have the answers, Gorgeous!

If you are feeling unmotivated, know this:

• Our health affects mood which affects motivation.

• Motivation can be created in an instant.

• Motivation is not always the precursor of action. In other words, you can do what needs to be done with a little discipline and mindless robotic pursuit of a predetermined goal.

• Action can lead to motivation.

• Lack of motivation may be a sign of depression, but truly, this lack of motivation affects almost everyone.

• We gotta know why we are going for our goals if we are to ever be motivated!

• Sometimes our goals are bloody uninspiring, even to us, and we set them for the wrong reasons.

What now?

1. Get healthy. Sleep more. I am miserable and physically and attitudinally (is that a word!) weak when I don't sleep well. There are plently of health blogs to support you with this.

2. If you are feeling really down, speak to someone and get help. Talk to me or a doctor, hotline or friend.

3. Tack your desired disciplines next to already built habits. It is called habit stacking and you can read about it here. Brilliant! Habits don't need motivation.

4. Write down 101 reasons for achieving your goal to create an undeniable 'Why'. See if that gets a fire in your belly.

5. Use your intuition to help you decide if this is really the right goal for you or if you feel pressured or actually uninterested in it. No harm scrubbing it off the list and making way for something that is really you.

6. Give yourself a sweet slap down if needed. What would the world be if nobody acted without motivation? Great leaders may not feel 100% pumped all the time, but they act for the greater good. Can you make a concept of 'duty' the replacement when motivation takes a walk? Lack of motivation is no real excuse. Take care of it with one of the above actions. Yes. Action!

And finally, procrastination.

You can take care of this with any of the other tools listed on this post. But here is what you need to know.

• We feel soooo good when we actually take care of business.

• Procrastinating takes up so much mental space that we might as well just 'do the thing'.

• Procrastination can kill self-esteem and confidence.

• Lack of confidence and self-esteem lead to procrastination.

• The part of you that inherently doesn't give a toss and wants to be lazy can have its needs met if you work smarter, not harder.

• Procrastination can be a clue as to the inner workings of our mind and can be a compass pointing us in the right direction.

Take care of procrastination by:

1. Habit stacking!

2. Using affirmations such as 'I live life like a winner' or 'I take care of business' or 'I refuse mediocrity'. You cannot say that to yourself all day and sit on your butt.

3. Start before you're ready should be your new motto. Stick it on your bathroom door.

4. Schedule relaxation time and actually relax! Notice how when you feel deprived of chill out time, everything seems better than work, even when you know you want to hit that goal. Be where you at!

5. Use the 10 minute game. Give yourself 10 minutes to work towards a goal and notice that you are pulled in my the momentum.

6. Remind yourself of the end game and how amazing it will feel to be proud of yourself this time next year when you can say that your dreams are coming true. Even quickly imagining how crushing it would feel to not make progress can snap you into action. Then deeply visualise how you and the world will look and feel when that dream is reality.

7. If someone else can do what you are avoiding and do it better than you, get them to do it. This is why I have a cleaner and gardner.

8. Listen to your intuition and body. Are you avoiding this because it actually is not important? If not, what is?

9. As soon as you have a hint of motivation, get straight onto what you need to do. We actually achieve more in less time when we are motivated, so capitalise on any feeling of excitement. Advanced yet simple tip- Whenever you feel motivated, click your fingers so that when you want to create motivation, a snap of the fingers can trigger that emotion.

10. List your 'beating procrastination' wins or 'Dones'. It feels great and builds confidence for future lacklustre moments.

11. Stop focusing on all the little tasks and do whatever has real impact. No more to-do lists. You know what really counts.

There a tonnes of other ways you can get a wriggle on with your goals. Share them with me in the comments and ask any advice about your particular situation. You are supported.

Above all else, know that if the goal is meaningful and it really lights you up, having utter faith in it happening and acting as if it will happen is vital.

Tell me, are there any other blocks you are having when it comes to your goals? Let's work out what is really going on. Once we do this, real magic begins to happen.

I can't wait.

If this was useful in any way, share it with someone who may be feeling a little lack-lustre about their intentions for the year. We are in this together people!

Xxx

All my love,

Bec

I have always loved the wisdom of Disney films. Birthed from great stories and great minds, it makes perfect sense that their lessons would resonate so deeply. But like most lessons, we learn them only when we see the immediate relevance to our lives.

Today I have Frozen’s Let it Go stuck in my head. Except I can’t remember any of the other words. (‘I don’t care… something, something, something…’). Basically it is about turning your life around just by letting go. And, oh now is the time to do that!

In recent conversations with people, goals for 2015 are big on the agenda. Everyone wants to discuss them and I sure as heck want to hear them! I have seen lists as long as my arm filled with intended achievements for the year, some tremendous and some little wins that are in fact a big deal.

But with all these goals taking up mental space and physical energy, it may be important to think about what it is you intend to release or let go this year. Some of these releases take place naturally as you ‘crowd out’ with good stuff. Others we need to consciously decide to let go.

What are you ready to let go of this year and forever? What will that mean for your life? How will it support you achieving your goals? Brainstorm.

Whilst we have as much time and space as we think we do, I certainly cannot resist the ‘aaaaah’ relief of creating more time and space for the good stuff. Let’s look at what you can let go of in the physical, mental and emotional realms of our world.

Let go of practices. (Apologising for nothing: DELETE).

Let go of stuff. (Costumes from when I was a teenager: DELETE).

Let go of thoughts. (Good friends are hard to come by: DELETE).

Let go of emotions. (Anger at ex-boyfriend: DELETE).

Let go of an identity. (I am a shy hermit introvert: DELETE)

Isn’t it interesting how much we hold onto? It is even more interesting to reflect on why we hold onto such things for so long.

Letting go is miraculous. Just by choosing what you are releasing, you identify all the other areas of your life that will turn around as a result.

For example, if you choose to let go of eating take-away or fast food, check out what can happen.

Or what about letting go of procrastination? That has amazing effects on your mental clarity and understanding of what you do and why you do it.

Here is a (in my opinion) fun activity to get you to understand the balance between having more and letting go. Write down a goal you have in mind for 2015 and then note what you can let go of to support you getting that goal.

Goal: Run a marathon

To let go: Shame of running in public to get myself fit.

Goal: Get a promotion or raise at my work.

To let go: Animosity towards my boss.

Subscribe to receive a fun little worksheet to help you do this. Simple and satisfying.

So how do you actually let go?

• Affirmations and self-talk. ‘I’m done with that.’
• Visualisation: Imagine you are rolling up that feeling or belief into a little ball and rolling it away. Or that you are dropping it off a cliff where it flies away and turns into something beautiful in the universe. Even writing it down and crossing it out can be a great start.

If you are struggling to release something you can also send me a line for some more ideas.

Share in the comments what it is you will let go of in 2015 and forever in order to create space for the wonderful. And if you let go of something in the past, tell us, how did it feel and how did it change your life?

Wishing you lightness and lovin’.

Xx

Becky

Hello spunky!

Don’t you just love this time of the year? With Christmas passed, and the holiday season leading us into the New Year, the gratitude for 2014 is overwhelming and we can almost taste the promise of 2015. At least I hope it feels that way for you.

I encourage you to reflect on the little wins you had this year and note those not so great moments that you survived and learned from.

Here are some of my key memories of this year and the events that mattered most to me:

·         I started a blog and created my own website.

·         I went camping with my father.

·         I created an online course in personal development.

·         Went to hospital for the first time, twice in one year. Once for a shoulder operation, the next for a severe migraine that left me dehydrated and unable to stomach water.

·         Found a keyboardist to work with and created demos of over 10 songs. We performed two live gigs and decided to focus on writing.

·         Lived with my closest childhood friend for about a year. Oh, and her sweetheart King Charles cavalier, Milo.

·         Recorded two songs with a producer.

·         Recorded two music videos with a cinematographer plus 4 fun live videos with a guitarist from the UK who lived with me for a few days. Check out my clips here!

·         Clocked over 70 hours of quality life coaching with clients I love with all my heart.

·         Spent almost every late Monday night watching downloaded TV series and cuddling Dan.

·         Reveled in my red-headed nephew turning one and growing cuter by the minute.

·         Trained karate when I could, with some pain. Far less than usual, but learnt to be ok with that.

·         Fell absolutely in love with my school students. Such a privilege to teach real people.

·         Had my best friend ‘break up’ with me. Still heart-broken.

·         Was an assistant photographer and faux-model. Got to bond with my man and be a babe!

·         Bought a wedding dress.

·         Had nude photos taken for a publication that condemns the censorship of nudity and the prevalence of violent images in the media.

·         Ended the year with a beautiful, intimate workshop and some moving phone calls with people ready to change their experience of life.

·         Got my own puppy, Oliver.

My highest moments were those floaty feelings after a coaching session, listening to a track I had written through the speakers in my car and saying I love you and hearing it back many times. And cuddling cutie pie pets!

This was the first year travel took a backseat. It is on the agenda for next year. My wanderlust, though, was satisfied by all the comfort-zone stretching that has coloured the days of this year.

There were darker times for me this year as well. Most involved convulsive crying at the news. Hating the helplessness I feel when my head is bad. Resenting people who are passive aggressive. Getting in trouble and criticized for not being ‘normal’. Seeing strong people I love get really sick.

And my big lessons that I will take with me forever:

-          I am a mirror to people and can bring up their pain as well as their sense of happiness and personal power. It is important for us to be our best selves so we can attract the right people and know that those who move on, like us, may have some growing to do.

-          Being who I need to be is far more important that getting goals. My most rewarding experiences were not necessarily goals, but by-products of being the kind of girl who thinks big and loves wholly.

-          If I want something, I need to ask. If I don’t want something, I need to say no. Sometimes that dialogue needs to happen within.

I would love for you to share with me how you will remember 2014. What lessons are there for you to wrap up as a gift to yourself and deliver into 2015 and beyond?

And what challenges do you believe are ahead for you? What are your goals? Who do you need to be? Can I help with these? Send me a line, gorgeous. That’s why I am here.

Wishing you a beautiful 2015. I am so happy to be a part of it, however big or small.

I live a fulfilled life, and you, my dear, have made that a fact.

Love always,

Becky

This feels incredibly personal to talk about my struggles with anger, even if these moments are few and far between. For compassionate people like you and I, it does not feel right when this 'shadow' emotion feels so all-encompassing. In fact, I used to advise people to simple 'feel more compassion when anger arises', but have since shifted my approach.

The truth is, when I am angry, I tend fantasise about doing 'bad' or harmful things. Usually wanting to slash tyres, run away or say something nasty. Once, I even made a jazz song that vented how much someone annoyed me! These desires can create a sense of incongruence because I see myself as a 'nice' and tolerant person. If you have felt intense anger, you are obviously not alone. It is a universal secondary emotion (it stems from other feelings) and part of being human.

Today, I want to give you some of my favourite strategies for dealing with anger. I know there are more out there and that you may have other ways that work for you. Please share them here!

Feel it.

Acknowledge that the anger is there and greet like a visitor in your home who will leave eventually.

Wait. The anger will subside.

Often-times, after a day or so I feel pretty much zero emotion about something that made me want to throw a brick through a window.

Take your power back and do something for yourself to take control of any area of your life.

This is the best!

If you are angry that someone owes you money, take a step towards getting another client.

If your boss yells at you for a co-worker's mistake, do something nice for your friend.

This won't solve the problem, but it will help soften the anger. Because anger is so connected to frustration, it is crucial to prove to yourself that you have power in your life and don't just have to be reactive- you are creative.

And something more advanced, and deeply powerful. Ask yourself this one question.

What is this anger really about?

I have found, when I dig beneath the surface, that my anger is never really at another person or situation. Here are some revelations I have had when looking into my anger. Please know that these may be fleeting beliefs or ones that I have worked on eliminating and continue to combat. I want to destigmatise anger and be open to its lessons. Here are my personal thoughts that were only just beyond angry feelings.

• I am ashamed that I offer my time wholeheartedly and feel obligated when people take advantage of my generosity. Why can't I just say, 'No'? Damn my lack of boundaries!

• My own disorganisation could be avoided if I value my own time instead of allowing myself to be yanked in different directions til my life is a clusterfuck.

• I deeply need that person's approval. Can't they see how hard I work? Why am I never good enough?

• This is my fault and responsibility for being in a place where shit like this happens. I should just suck it up.

• I am so messed up, no wonder this has happened to me.

• I want to be special. I wish people would stop copying me!

• It is hopeless. I am one person. How can I fix war? Am I a hypocrite?

Uncomfortable honesty right there.

What did you notice? A pattern of frustration certainly emerges. Or frustration with my patterns. A sense of not being good enough crops up. Hopelessness, ego, shame, guilt, fear.

Once we delve deeper, we can begin to resolve these beliefs and feelings.

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” ― Gloria Steinem

Taking responsibility for these feelings and belief is super important. You can then make practical solutions to improve the quality of your life. (Note: Anger is natural, and doesn't have to be fixed, but can certainly transmute into learning.) For me, I can be more rigid with boundaries, have more open conversations and choose to feel like a leader (rather than feeling like a school girl being 'copied').

I want to know now, when have you experienced anger and what did you do about it? What was the anger really about? What have you learnt about yourself? Share in the comments.

I get asked about anger on a weekly basis, so this post is a long time coming. Feel free to ask me any questions here. I would love to answer them with you.

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.” ― William Arthur Ward

All my love,

Bec

xx

P.S. Get on my mailing list to hear 3 other ways we can utilise and learn from our anger.