Every now and then I have a thought I need to shake outta my mind. This same thought deeply affects many people and sometimes the belief runs too deep for ‘shaking out’ to seem possible.
‘There is something wrong with me’.
Maybe that thought is articulated in a different way.
I don’t know what is wrong with me.
Why am I so f*cked up?
I am alone.
Nobody gets me.
I have spoken to enough people to know that this thought hits everyone at some point. It can be alienating, giving us the sense that there is nobody who understands, relates or has the same experience of self.
The trouble is that often the way we relate to others is not authentic. We have a veneer, and social media amplifies the issue, when we often see people happy or the thought articulated in their status is the final positive statement after much deliberation. We get trapped into thinking that life, happiness & beauty comes so easily to some people, but never to us. In the comparison (that often disempowering & dangerous comparison) that we are left thinking, ‘Something must be missing in me.’
We also taught from a young age to see the world in black and white, using oppositions to define what we are by what we are not. We speak in finites, to avoid complicated thoughts. We constantly use the language of judgment (and sometime self-righteousness). That is so wrong. I don’t do that. No wonder we use that language when we speak about ourselves. No wonder when we detect complexity in ourselves we want to attack. I’m a bad mum. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good enough. Perhaps it is lazy to think we are inherently flawed. When you admit imperfection, it’s like you can blame it for everything. It’s a way of avoiding what is really going on.
When you talk to others…
You may catch yourself explaining out of the ordinary (genius like!) thinking as being abnormal to placate others in the assumption that they don’t or won’t ‘get you’. I don’t know. It’s just how I see it. Maybe I’m weird. Or you don’t share.
We respond to paradigms of morality and avoid real conversation with dismissive comments like ‘She’s just a bitch’ or ‘He is a sleaze’. When we do this, it exacerbates the fear that any of our ‘flaws’ will be harshly judged by our peers. Suddenly, ‘There is something wrong with me’, becomes emotionally loaded and will start to limit how we show up in the world. We shrink because we think it isn’t safe to shine. We recoil, we put up walls and create ‘safe’ alter-egos because we are terrified to be ourselves.
‘There is something seriously wrong with me…’
Reframe this thought!
If you catch yourself thinking this way, have a go at a reframing this into something positive.
There is something unique I have to offer the world.
This quirky thing about me is my ticket to success.
I am a complex and interesting human being.
Every person has felt this way- I am connected with my fellow human.
And here are some of my favourite questions to help you get some meaningful answers.
What is really going on here? What underlying thoughts triggered this belief/action?
How does this feeling/thought keep me safe or comfortable? Does it serve me in any way?
What would I say to myself if I were my own best friend? Or what would I tell a good friend who told me they felt totally abnormal?
While human beings are essentially the same, our spirits have different energies, our auras different colours, our personality different flavours, varied experiences, gifts, challenges and views…
and in our ‘hearts’ we have a different calling.
This year, I hope that you are more ‘you’ than ever. That you follow your heart and finally come home to the truth. Heart is where the home is.
That you are exactly as you are meant to be, with endless potential and a shiny light inside of you.
Come home to you.
You are not fucked up.
You are you.