Sorry, I’m awesome. So are you.
Your success and happiness may come at other people’s inconvenience. You can make peace with this, as I have. From personal experience and from the work I’ve done with other people, here is what I have learnt.
Some people may feel a bit safer when you are not well. They can play a role they love- the comforter, or perhaps it makes them feel reassured that they are not alone in their suffering. When they see you happy, they may be unsure how to interact- how to play out that dynamic.
One client’s mother was completely bummed out, almost shutting down when he, her son, would espouse the beliefs that have made him embrace all of himself. There is a lot going on here. One factor may be that mum just wants to be mum, and without the same worry for her son, she has to re-evaluate the role she plays in his life. You can probably imagine that this guy would find it intuitive to hide his happiness for fear of being brought down. But, no, no. That’s not how we play.
Another story I hear (and know from experience) is when, in a relationship, one person is completely triggered by the other’s achievements or happiness. Whether it’s for a minute or months, that person may seem to sink lower, as though in any one given partnership there must be a perfect balance of misery! You are a reminder of what is possible, and so close, for them. Again, you may be tempted to hide your success. But no, no. That’s not how we play.
What if the people around you are used to the old you that would complain, bitch and moan, and somehow they would feel like they didn’t know you at all if you became positive and loving about yourself and the world around you? Wouldn’t it be tempting to complain, bitch and moan, for old times’ sake. After all, that side of you is kinda endearing. No, no. That’s not how we play.
Here’s the magic.
When you refuse to hide your happiness and PERSIST, even when the dynamic feels a little off, you seriously inspire people to love and enjoy their lives. You give them permission to love themselves. You may not be seeing this right now with the people in your life, but trust me, one of two things will happen.
1. A natural distance will grow and ‘friends’ not warmed by your happiness may no longer be friends. For those like family, it will be a ‘live and let live’ scenario. They will not try to change you if you embody your convictions with strength. They may even radically support you. In other words, those who stick by you are in it for the long haul.
2. Inevitably, you will see a positive transformation in that person too. I’ve seen it happen in a matter of days, where one second I am excited about an achievement and getting a steely response, to the next day that person calling with a whole new productive mindset about life. I’ve also seen it happen in years, where I find out that people I love have started venturing out of their comfort zones and feeling way more fulfilled. It serves me to think I had a part in that.
Precious one, NEVER hide your happiness. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, but hold it in your heart, even when you think it exacerbates another’s pain. They are growing pains.
OWN & SHARE your achievements. Trust that they will ultimately inspire. They truly will.
A word from the heart
In an age of social media, I am so aware that people compare themselves to the highlights of other people’s lives. I am conscious of this, so I find it useful to not only share the highlights, but the process and the challenges when that seems right. I think it is responsible and vulnerable sharing that keeps us connected with our humanity. I will not hide the success or the failure. I think both in combination do a world of good.
Lovely one, have you ever experienced this? Share in the comments where you are in your journey.
I want to send you lots of love and remind you to keep working on yourself. It is a noble pursuit and will do a world of good.
Lots of love,