How to Build Confidence: Part One

Ways to Build Confidence: Part One

After a rather amazing weekend of working far less than usual, I am feeling incredibly refreshed and acutely aware of how tiny moments can drastically alter our mood. More important than the moments themselves is what we say about them. Often we frame these moments as being few and far between, or something we don't deserve to have.

'I know I should be doing something important right now.'

'If only I could have this much time every week.'

'Soon, chaos will come again' (Othello nerd reference)

Even I catch myself wanting to justify my free time, rather than just having it and enjoying it.

'Oh, it made me so much more creative. Look, I wrote a song!'

sex coach becky shortt

But this email is really about the beginning of my series, How To Build Confidence. And in the vein of helping us control our mindspeak, the first way to build confidence is to keep a record of all your wins. Big and small. By recording the wins that occur on a regular basis, we condition ourselves to think of ourselves as winners. And this builds confidence to take on the new, live bravely and feel deserving of our piece of glory.

When faced with a challenge, it is easy to get into the habit of worry and forget all the times we have had success and endured tougher times.

Every single day we have little wins or moments we show courage. Often without a second thought.

We want to bring these moments to our consciousness so that we actively remember and note how often we prove to ourselves that we CAN.

Try this for an exercise.

Keep a piece of paper or pocket diary with you at all times. Whenever you have a little win, jot it down and review the list at the end of the day. When there is a big win, highlight it and bookmark or stick it on the fridge for quick reference when you feel like the impossible needs to be done.

When you're stuck on 'wins' you can write down what you have 'survived'. The framing of this list may not be as exciting, but just as empowering. That means that if you have a shit day you can at least say you got through it and learnt something.


In case you aren't sure about what constitutes a triumph, I interviewed some darling teenagers about what they would consider little wins in their day. All of these are just perfect for not only building confidence, but maintaining positivity. Here are some mini victories that made their list:

'...waking up with the alarm and having energy to get out of bed!'

'...driving a manual car for the first time.'

'...when my girlfriend talks about our future together. She's the first girl I've felt this way about.'

'...completing a task that I thought was too hard.'

'...getting a fresh haircut...'

'...getting a good tackle.'

'…a good netball intercept.'

'...talking at assembly.'

'...becoming vice captain.'

'...paying it forward.'

And most of the rest revolved around food:

  • 'Lunch time.'

  • '...seeing mum after school (sounds sweet) cos she makes me dinner.'

  • '…having left over food in my bag that I find at the end of the day.'

  • '...making mum and dad happy by cooking dinner.'

  • '...when I know I'm having a good dinner.'

And darn good luck, like there being no traffic on the roads or finding 10 cents on the ground that's landed on heads.

A young man said that 'witnessing common courtesies' was like seeing a little win. I cracked up laughing because I had just stopped him playing 'the penis game' (a game where you see who can say 'penis' the loudest). This is why every day is a joy!

So what little or big wins have you had in the past? What wins did you have today? What reminds you that you should have confidence to go for your dreams and live every day with courage and faith? Share them in the comments!

Stay tuned for How to Build Confidence Part Two!

Let me know in the comments below how this win-listing activity boosts your confidence this week.

Lots of love,

Becky