When you sit alone…
When you are walking down the street…
Or into a room full of unfamiliar faces…
Do you feel joyful, loving and confident?
Happiness and a sense of genuine personal power have become my default emotions. But every now and then, ‘the ‘crap’ clutters this space. And usually that crap has a name. Fear.
I’ll give you a couple of recent examples of when I have noticed happiness-thwarting fear disrupting my normal flow of healthy emotions. (Note: All emotions are normal and it is great to ‘feel’. I just consider love-based emotions healthier than others.)
Sometimes when I think of the music industry I feel enormous fear of not being conventionally beautiful or camera friendly. Yes, I do feel beautiful in the day to day, but in a practical and singer/songwriter sense- not really. I compare myself to other women and despite loving myself as I am, I notice this becoming a very real feeling. I even go so far as to strategise how not having chiselled features could be inspiring or part of my ‘thing’. But the process has a lot of push-pull and is inconsistent with the state of acceptance that does me the world of good.
My go to affirmation is ‘I am perfect as I am. My gift is worthy to be shared and I am worthy to be seen’.
Another time I let fear creep in is before certain social outings where I don’t know what dynamic to expect. (Cerebrally I get that I can control the dynamic if I wish). I find myself nervous and assuming I am different to the majority. In a recent Facebook comment, someone in passing called me ‘the life of the party’. I found this astonishing because before social events I need to psyche myself into going. This involves singing 90s techno songs!
Needless to say, I do have a great time when I go out. And if you are like me- deeply reflective, an analytical (sometimes ‘over’) thinker, then you can imagine how precious it is to have strategies to deal with these emotions.
I’m going to share one of these strategies with you today.
This is a state management strategy you may or may not have heard of, called anchoring.
Anchoring is used to get you into a particular state of mind. And to fire off an anchor, you execute an action that you only associate with that state of mind. In simple terms, you perform an action to make you feel happier, more powerful, confident, etc. And you do it whenever you feel that way and whenever you want to feel that way. This consolidates the association between the action and that feeling.
My example. Whenever I want to focus or remember something I click my fingers near my head and I immediately recall the needed information.
Whenever I want to feel enormously powerful, mentally and physically, I grip my toes in my shoes or to the floor.
To feel excited and happy, I do a little wiggle dance.
And to get prepared for (usually extroverted) fun, I sing 90s techno songs.
So let’s move to you now. What current anchors have you created by habit? When you touch your hand to your heart do you more easily speak genuinely as ‘from the heart’. When you look down for a long period do you become sadder? Tell me in the comments. What is an anchor that you may have created by accident?
Now, pick a feeling that you want to have at will. Confidence, happiness, love. Do what it takes to feel that in your body and really picture yourself having and enjoying the benefits of that feeling.
The next step is to choose an easy action to help you quickly engage that feeling by association. It could be clapping your hands once, a slow nod, stomping one foot, etc. Something you could logically do in a situation you would need this feeling. Practice doing that move and simultaneously experiencing that desired emotion.
Now, the trickiest part. Turning it into a real anchor.
You need to: a) use the anchor at the moment you feel that emotion. So if someone pays you a compliment as you feel your desired feeling (e.g. sexy), you immediately do the action to link the movement with the feeling. B) use the anchor whenever you want to feel this way c) visualize yourself firing off this move in multiple scenarios when it would serve you and really experience in your mind and body the sensations of that emotion.
Once you have mastered this, you will be able to quickly change your mood, state of mind and dominant feeling. There are ways to speed up this process which I do with the people I work with in person and over Skype.
I encourage you to share with me your anchor move and the state of mind/ feeling you wish to generate. I can let you know if it will set you up for success in this area or if your move needs a little tweaking.
There are so many factors that control our emotions and multiple neural pathways we have that can shape our mood and day to day experience. Rather than being happy all the time, the goal is to have the choice to change our state at will. Let me know how you go with this over the next few weeks.
I also want to tell both my local Sydney, interstate and international peeps that I run a signature workshop that is taking place in December this year, but is also readily available for groups in other states and overseas who are ready for massive shifts in their life.
If you are from Sydney, click here for details.
If you are interested but not from Sydney, click here to find out about these workshops and how you can bring them to you.
Wishing you a wonderful few weeks. As always you have full access to email me at info.beckyshortt.com and chat about what is going on in your world.
Lots of love,